A Journey of Forgiveness
I shivered in my chair across the room from my counsellor.
It had already been an intense session. I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. “It’s a little cold in here,” I complained.
She looked at me with her calm, brown eyes and said softly, “Might I suggest you’re not cold but angry?”
I scoffed at the idea, “Why would I be angry? I forgave a long time ago!”
Still, she kept her gaze on me and then offered these words of wisdom, “You may have forgiven what happened to you, but have you forgiven what it did to you?”
I paused.
I thought of all the years since, all the moment in between, and all the choices I had made to protect myself. Indeed, the effects of someone else’s sin had haunted my life for years, and my forgiveness had not kept up to date.
That day began a journey of forgiveness unlike anything I had experienced before. Along the way, I found that I held many misconceptions about forgiveness – misconceptions that contributed to my own pain and prevented complete healing.
DIG DEEP
I learned a valuable lesson that day in my counsellor’s cold office: we can only forgive to the depth we acknowledge our hurt.
Shallow confession brings shallow redemption.
Shallow confession brings shallow redemption. - Maria Dyck
My hurt was buried so deeply in my heart that, unless I excavated the deepest depths of my soul, I would never find freedom and healing. If I diminished and devalued the wrong done against me, I also diminished and devalued the forgiveness process and, ultimately, the healing. Treating sin ‘as no big deal’ did not do me, or my offender, any favors. It was only in the light of truth and acknowledging the depth of the sin done to me that the value of the cross became apparent.
PREPARE FOR A JOURNEY
If I were to take a hike into the mountains, I would prepare by bringing solid, walking shoes, a large canteen filled with water, nutritious snacks and, considering where I live, bear spray. Likewise, when I chose forgiveness, I quickly realized I need to prepare for a long and arduous journey ahead. Sometimes, forgiveness is quick and spontaneous, but many times, it is a long and difficult road.
If you are going to succeed on this journey, you will need to bring the belt of truth, feet fitted with the readiness of the gospel of peace, the shield of faith, the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit. as found in Ephesians 6. Without these items, you have little chance of ever reaching your destination because forgiveness is always a battle fought in the heavenly realm.
Some days, I made fantastic progress and celebrated! Other days, I was emotionally exhausted, my heart ached, and I was sure I could not take one more step. On those days I lay in the middle of the path and cried out to God for the strength to forgive just one. more. time.
Choosing to forgive once is difficult but choosing to forgive again and again and again is impossible without the working of the Holy Spirit in our hearts.
Choosing to forgive once is difficult but choosing to forgive again and again and again is impossible without the working of the Holy Spirit in our hearts.
UNDERSTAND YOUR LIMITS
One of the most freeing lessons I learned at that time was that my forgiveness was not meant to compare with God’s forgiveness. God’s forgiveness is nothing like ours. He cleanses and makes whole. He redeems. He restores. He moves transgressions as far as east is from the west. He chooses to dwell on it no more.
My forgiveness serves two functions only: I release the offender from any debt owed to me, and in forgiving others, I am recognizing my own sinful nature and need for forgiveness. I forgive because I am forgiven.
My forgiveness does not cleanse or make my offender whole. My forgiveness does not redeem or restore. I have no capacity to remove sin as far as east is from the west, and I certainly can’t forget!
God does not ask for what I cannot give. He does not command me to do what I cannot do! But He does require me to obey what He has asked of me with the help He gives.
FORGIVE THE FUTURE
As my offender was someone I could not remove from my life, I also had to learn to forgive the future. Forgiving the future meant choosing – in advance – to erase any debt owed to me. It meant choosing not just to forgive what had happened but what could happen. It meant posturing my heart into an attitude of forgiveness when no future offense had yet occurred.
Forgiving the future didn’t mean, however, that my offender had a blank cheque to do as they wished. In fact, I had to acknowledge this may ever be a ‘safe’ person for me and would need to draw appropriate boundaries.
FORGIVENESS BRINGS HEALING
I journeyed on this bumpy road of forgiveness and healing for some time. Slowly, I dug deeper and deeper to the heart of the issue. With each layer, I peeled away more hurt until all that remained was the deepest of my wounds where lived the rawest emotion.
There came a moment when I battled against the will to forgive one last time. Had I realized it was the final battle before complete release, I would have prepared myself better for the intensity. I was unprepared for the physical reaction as my body waged war against God’s call to forgive.
I couldn’t breathe. An invisible elephant sat on my chest as I struggled to form the words that would ultimately lead me to complete forgiveness. When the words finally came, they weren’t shouted in victory but were washed in tears.“I forgive.”
At that precise moment, the weight fell off my chest and my breath returned. I had completed the journey and though I was weak, weary, and worn, a new life was already forming in my innermost being. Where once I was held captive, I was now free. Now, the healing could truly begin.
You can find more articles on forgiveness by clicking the links below: